CERN has impeccable comedic taste: Chris Morris, Kevin Eldon and Simon Munnary

So the people at CERN have been inviting the best comedians in the UK to come and have a look around. The ingenious bastards. How did I miss this? I always get a little giddy when I see my interests collide (geddit?).

You can listen to Chris "Brass Eye" Morris talking about THE HIGGS FUCKING BOSON here. Look I've a picture for your unbelieving eyes:

Image Hosted by

How awesome is that? Answer: very awesome.

But there's more! They've also had the excellent Simon Munnary and Kevin Eldon round too. Listen to the podcast here and watch them potter around below:

There is a lot to be said for this kind of public outreach especially when it's via such excellent, excellent people. I would go as far as to say that there is a strong and unexplored link between alternative British comedy  and the appreciation of science. A link that has yet to be utilised...

And if by some ridiculous chance you don't know who these comedians I'm talking about are, then you sicken me. Make me like you again by buying Chris Morris' Brass Eye - a massively important satire on TV news. But not until you've got the wonderful Simon Munnary's 'Hello' an indie produced Stand Up DVD of outstanding quality from the absolute legends that are Go Faster Stripe. I love GFS, they are doing a massively important job at preserving Stand Up thats too important and intelligent and niche to be picked up by mainstream media. And whilst I'm sure you recognise The Actor Kevin Eldon from every good comedy show of the last two decades (Jam, Spaced, Fist of Fun, This Morning With Richard Not Judy & Brass Eye are but a tiny selection of his work) I'm doubting you will have listened to his brilliant audio monologues SPEAKERS. Available to download free from Resonance FM.


JTankers said... will pay $500.00 US to the best proposal that can reasonably prove 5% or less Risk of Planetary destruction from Micro Black Holes.

The contest will conclude in a vote by site visitors on all reasonable proofs received, all proofs will be published and the contest will end not sooner than May 20th. (LHCConcerns will make the final call on best proposal that reasonably proves 5% or lower risk from micro black holes being created by the Large Hadron Collider).

You may prove that ANY ONE of the following or provide any other reasonable Proof or method to prevent Micro Black Holes from being created by the Large Hadron Collider or prove that they are harmless!

1. The Large Hadron Collider will not make micro black holes.
2. Micro black holes created will be sent safely into space.
3. Micro black holes will evaporate.
4. Micro black holes will take more than 2 billion years to accrete the Earth. (If you can only prove a lesser time frame, then the prize will be reduced proportionately...)
5. Any form of cosmic ray argument that proves 5% risk or lower.
6. Find a way to make the Large Hadron Collider safe from creating micro black holes (we already requested different speed collissions or different mass collisions, LSAG told us it was not possible, they already thought of it).

It is harder than it looks, the LHC Safety Assessment Group (LSAG) could not produce a safety report... (CERN and LSAG are still using the 1999 RHIC safety report that does not even address what might happen if micro black holes were created, because they did not know that it was possible at that time. We are also being generous on the 2 billion years, we want to be reasonable)


Gia said...


Once again, when the LHC turns on and you are proven to be a raving loon, PLEASE spend as much time and energy on APOLOGISING for being WRONG as you are in spamming every freakin' site that mentions the LHC with irrational fear and pseudoscience.


JTankers said...

And when the first stable micro black hole is created and we are all trying to determine how accurate Dr. Rossler's 50 month Earth Accretion estimates might be.

It will also be a time when professional physicists who are now engaging in a campaign of deception may be held legally accountable for their actions.

(I say the first micro black hole above, hoping that we did not already create one in March of 2005 in the RHIC Bose-Nova implosion where thousands of atoms could not be accounted for... Hoping that the unpresidented rise in World Wide Earth quakes is just a coincidence. That is what I believe, just a coincidence, but if two months from now the number of Earthquakes is 50% higher than the last two months, then I will not be so sure...)

gia said...

Why you believe a retired biochemist rather than the active research physicists is beyond me.

It's kind of like you choosing to be operated on by a retired butcher rather than a working surgeon because, at some level, their skills seem similar. (Sorry to any biochemists for the clunky analogy).

You, dear sir, are a mentalist.

Lave said...

Oh wow! JTankers is awesome. I'm all for an open mind mate so kudos to you for that.

Micro black holes: Not a Risk.
By Lave Station aged 26 & 1/4.

The LHC will reach energies of collision energies of 0.0000007 Joules. The most energetic cosmic ray seen had a energy of 48J.

At least 15 more this energetic have been seen in the last 40 years. Despite this being a massive underestimate (as area of earth >> area of cr detectors) lets be conservative and assume 10 UHECRs per 50 years. That means about 920 million micro black opportunities have presented themselves in the last 4.6 billion years.

As none of those have destroyed the earth, or produced detectable events, the odds of the LHC destroying the earth are less than 5%.

This assumes the CR energy spectrum is constant over long periods - but even if you just consider the last million years, we are fine.

Please paypal my $500 bucks to skeptobot who is at the british version of yahoo.


Lave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lave said...

Oh, I meant that post to read "I'm all for an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out"

Also: Hell Gia, thanks! It's an honour to have you post here.

gia said...


I've been following the links into CERN Podcast and was dismayed to find 'Crazy JTankers' here. *sigh* I had to post...

Of course, in some respect everyone is wasting their breath on talking to these people cos their tiny, whacked-out minds seem to be made up. Of course, for anyone who stumbles upon their ravings and DOESN'T understand what is going on at CERN, it could seem like 'Crazy JTankers' (I think we should only ever refer to him as that) is for real (rather than a raving loon).

And thanks for the 'impeccable comedic taste' compliment. ;)

JTankers said...

Your proposals need to be posted at LHCConcerns and voted on. Good Luck!

JTankers said...

Gia says: "Why you believe a retired biochemist rather than the active research physicists is beyond me."

Interesting that similar was said of Albert Einstein when he invented relativity theory. "He is just a grad student". Yes but he was correct, and CERN has failed to prove reasonable safety. No report at all. Just the 1999 RHIC safety study that did not address the safety of micro black hole creation at all, because at that time micro black hole creation was thought to be impossible. We all know that is no longer what is believed. To create conditions believed to create micro black holes that may be captured by Earth at this time with no safety study is criminal negligence. We may not have a future or an Earth, but there will be accountability.

Two of Prof. Rössler’s papers have been posted (one after the other in the same PDF) at: The first suggests a mechanism for non-linearity in mini black hole accretion. This disputes the idea that it will take a very long time for a mini black hole to accrete the earth. Some of Professor Rössler’s calculations about the growth of black holes in the earth will soon be published, possibly in the journal "Chaos, Solutions and Fractals" I believe.

Dr. Prof. Otto E. Rössler currently works at the University of Tuebingen in Germany. He specializes on theoretical biology, theoretical physics, mathematic, philosophy and nature sciences. These areas is what he is talking about. AND he has a right to do so and to be listened too. As a 'chaos scientist' my understanding is that because interdisciplinary know-how is required, his expertise field is quite wide. He also strikes me as a scientist who needs to see the large picture. And yes, he would be allowed in court on the LHC subject. Heard somebody in a post say they would not allow him in court because he is not a subject matter expert. This is complete rubbish and the person who posted this knows it.

Prof. Otto E. Rössler sais that there is a 50% chance that a real black hole gets created at the LHC, that there are then 50 months left for our Earth.

Otto E. Rössler (b. in Berlin, Germany, May 20, 1940) became an amateur radio operator (DL 9KF) at the age of 17. He finished his medical studies with an immunological dissertation in Tubingen in 1966. Dr. Rössler then began as a postdoctoral fellow at the Max Planck Institute for Behavioral Physiology in Bavaria. In 1969, he won a visiting appointment at the Center for Theoretical Biology at SUNY-Buffalo. In 1970-73, he got a habilitation from the DFG. In 1976, he became a tenured University Docent. In 1979, he became Professor for Theoretical Biochemistry at the University of Tübingen. In 1994, he became Professor of Chemistry by decree.

In 1975, Art Winfree initiated him into chaos. One year later he published his paper on the "simplest" chaotic attractor (as Ed Lorenz later put it). Three years after, hyperchaos followed, which was equally simple. He is a member of the Santa Fe Institute and a fellow of the International Institute for Advanced Studies in Systems Research and Cybernetics. In 2003, he received the Chaos Award of the University of Liège and in 2003 the René Descartes Award. In 1999 he obtained a honorary doctorate from the International Institute for Advanced Studies in Systems Research and Cybernetics.

Throughout his career Dr. Rössler has authored around 500 scientific papers in fields as wide-ranging as Biogenesis, deductive biology, origin of language, differentiable automata, bacterial brain, brain equations, chaotic attractors, dripping faucet, heart chaos (with Reimara Rössler), hyperchaos, nowhere-differentiable attractors (with Jack Hudson and Ichiro Tsuda), flare attractors, endophysics, micro relativity, Platonic computers, micro constructivism, recursive evolution, limitology, interface theory, artificial universes, the hypertext encyclopedia, Lampsacus hometown of all persons, blind-sight experiments in physics, world-change technology. He wrote four books: Encounter with Chaos (1992), Endophysics: The world As an Interface (1992), Jonas World - The Thinking of Child (1994, in German), and The Flaming Sword (1996 in German), as well as the CD Descartes' Traum (in German).

Lave said...

I know you are using this site as a platform to promote your views 'Crazy' JTankers, and I'm fine with that (as long as it stays located in appropriate threads).

But I feel I should let you know that I have an audience with an intelligence far higher than the base drivel I put out might indicate.

As such you'll have a hard battle to win over minds.

JTankers said...

Thank you for your creative title.

Perhaps your sanity could help me understand why so few physicists appear to recognize that not only was micro black hole creation empirically shown to be possible in the March 2005 RHIC bosenova implosion, but the same incident also gave strong evidence that Hawking Radiation should have been but was not observed?

Lets assume the worst, then what evidence if any do we have that stable micro black hole growth would not be experiential?

The only peer reviewed math I have access to shows exponential growth from Professor Rossler.

So we created a Bose-Einstein condensate, a stable "proto-Black hole" in 1999. Thousands of atoms are unaccounted for, not in the cold matter, not in the explosion cloud.

I try to conceive of why I should not believe that this exotic matter might not be 38 months into an exponential growth cycle now...
Any unusual earthquake activity?

My formal physics training may be limited compared to yours, but I can on occasion ace a standard IQ test. I think the Large Hadron Collider is a species IQ test... Do you turn it on or not...

JTankers said...

...sorry, "The RHIC fireball as a dual black hole", March 2005... not 1999 (that was the year of the RHIC safety study that concluded no possibility of creating such exotic matter in any conceivable collider... What a difference 9 years makes...)

We argue that the fireball observed at RHIC is (the analog of) a dual black hole.

QUOTE: "In conclusion, we have seen that the observed RHIC fireball is just (the pion analog of) a gravity dual black hole. We have seen that the unknown CGC state at the middle of the fireball is the interior of the black hole, and particles inside it interact with a Newtonian potential. The horizon of the black hole is the limiting (“freeze-out”) surface of the pion field soliton, which emits radiation at a temperature given by (if the nonperturbative constant
a=1) (20), very close to the experimental value of 176 MeV [14, 15]. Most likely there will be no singularity for this black hole."

"emits radiation"? Really, then where did the thousands of atom go? May someone has a negative energy explanation... LOL

gia said...

Dear 'Crazy' JTankers,

I got to this:"AND he has a right to do so and to be listened too." and had to stop. No one has a *right* to be listened to. Sure, people have the right to think or, in most cases, say what they want, but no one else on this planet should be compelled to listen to anyone.

I have the right to say that the LHC may produce little pink fairies at the end of my garden (and, you know what, there's a chance that may happen FOR REAL!!!!!!)... but that doesn't mean I have the right to demand an audience.

Anonymous said...

"...March of 2005 in the RHIC Bose-Nova implosion..."

The Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider Bossa-Nova Implosion would be a totally incredible name for a band.

Anonymous said...

What a great web log. I spend hours on the net reading blogs, about tons of various subjects. I have to first of all give praise to whoever created your theme and second of all to you for writing what i can only describe as an fabulous article. I honestly believe there is a skill to writing articles that only very few posses and honestly you got it. The combining of demonstrative and upper-class content is by all odds super rare with the astronomic amount of blogs on the cyberspace.

Lin Huang said...

michael kors outlet online
kobe shoes
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
jordan 11s
michael kors outlet online sale
jordan concords
jordan 3
football jerseys
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses outlet
lebron james shoes
christian louboutin
true religion
michael kors
ralph lauren outlet
michael kors outlet online
michael kors outlet
hollister clothing
coach outlet
hollister co
michael kors handbags
hollister outlet
abercrombie store
louis vuitton outlet
kate spade outlet
louis vuitton outlet
toms shoes
burberry outlet online
louis vuitton outlet stores
oakley sunglasses wholesale
coach factory outlet
abercrombie & fitch
polo ralph lauren
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton

Wenhao Guo said...

new orleans saints jerseys
ralph lauren uk
nike air max uk
toms shoes
soccer jerseys
michael kors handbags
coach outlet canada
vans shoes
cheap mlb jerseys
michael kors uk
real madrid jersey
swarovski jewelry
atlanta falcons jersey
tory burch outlet online
louis vuitton uk
dallas cowboys jersey
the north face clearance
cheap nike shoes
fred perry sale
marc jacobs outlet
true religion jeans
true religion jeans
ray ban sunglasses
burberry outlet online,
mcm bags
burberry outlet
oakley sunglasses
ray ban wayfarer
true religion jeans,
vibram fivefingers
lacoste polo shirts
minnesota vikings jerseys
nike free 5.0
new york giants jerseys
kate spade outlet
true religion outlet,
dansko outlet
cheap jordans
kate spade outlet
herve leger